The best way to learn to know another is to learn to know you FIRST. Really know who you are. Make yourself your project.
Study your life with as much attention and energy as you have been devoting to thinking about others.
You make judgments and assumptions, based on what you heard other people say about you, or other people, when you were not supposed to be listening, or from a “friend” who told you “what so & so” said about you or another person.
What you heard is another person’s perception, judgment and assumptions.
You make judgments and assumptions by comparing yourselves to other people.
- People who got better or worse results at school than you
- people who look different to you – that you consider “better or worse”,
- people who can wear clothes that you cannot wear, or that you can wear clothes that others cannot.
- People who have more or less money than you
- People who have the job we think you want, the boyfriend or girlfriend you want,
- People who have the life you dream of
The bottom line here is that all these things are based on what you THINK, and what you think another meant….nothing else.
You think you know other people; however you have NO IDEA about them either. No-one, that is NO other person, knows what you think, what motivates you, why you do, or do not do things, what you feel, so what makes you think you know what another may be feeling, thinking or what is motivating them?
This contributes to “misery marsh” in your life. You have not had the same parents as another, the same upbringing, the same schooling experiences. You have not had the same friends, the same peer pressure, the same teachers, or the same life!
Sometime you try to think, talk or act the same as others just to belong, to fit in, to be accepted. This is dangerous ground, because it is not long and you find you are living a life that is for/by someone else and that leads to added misery, resentment and depression.
When you assume and judge things to be a certain way, or you think you know someone, or know the reasons why someone does something, or does not do something, you are basing those assumptions and judgments on your point of view, your perception. You are basically saying that, “I think just like you, so I know what you feel, think or why you do things”.
So how can you know you better?
- Learn your habits, likes and dislikes.
- Learn whether the things you like and dislike are really yours or are you liking or disliking them to fit in, to be accepted and liked.
- Learn to listen to yourself – what you say to yourself, what you say to others. The words you use – are they encouraging and empowering or are they destructive and dis empowering? Do they lift you up, or pull you down?
- Learn to be kinder, less critical and more tolerant, especially to yourself first.
- Learn to realise that how you perceive others is a reflection of how you think about yourself
Have the courage to reach out and find a coach to assist you to navigate the maze you are in to become free of judgments and criticism and to really understand yourself. For in this you will really begin to understand others.