Feeling like a doormat as you juggle kids, partner and life?
Life is a battlefield, maybe without the blood and physical wounds. People use you, hurt you and it seems like everyone and everything is against you and life leaves you feeling hopeless, worn out and often angry and resentful.
- kids having one problem after another
- constant arguments,
- conflict and long silences,
- outbursts of yelling
- harsh words leaving you exhausted,
- fearful and wondering where the next hit (attack) is coming from – a ground skirmish, an airstrike or an ambush – you’ve had enough
- angry at the family and angry at yourself
Things seem to constantly go wrong, and they do not come in dribs and drabs, but like tsunami waves, and you find yourself saying, “if it’s not one thing it’s another”! You feel constantly angry, walked over, unappreciated and used.
The criticism is constant, the mistakes roll in with the consistency of the waves, you feel blocked and hopeless at every turn and your life seems to be going nowhere. Others are living their dreams, or at least happy and here you seem to be struggling through the muck of life, instead of enjoying the flowers.
And on top of all this, you are trying to be the best role model you can for your kids and feel like you are life’s biggest failure as a parent.
Life is an experience that is constantly changing. You need to be constantly
- finding solutions to your challenges
- modifying your behaviour
- changing your perspective
- being flexible and adaptable
- dancing with the people, experiences and situations you face so you do not experience impact, shock, conflict etc
When you have experienced a childhood that has been full of conflict there seems to be a cycle – conflict, judgment, criticism, blame and shame, violence, bullying and abuse, hostility, resentment, bitterness and hatred and all these distort your perception on life and how you experience your own life, what you think is possible or not.
You fall into the role of someone trying to control your life and/or the lives of those around you, creating more conflict within the cycle you know, AND you beat yourself up when you think you are failing or could have done better.
You take things personally, you take what others do or say, do not do or do not say personally. People, situations and circumstances seem to get in your way and directed at you. You feel like you are being treated unfairly.
All these things help to add to your feelings that
- you are being blocked at every turn,
- nothing ever works out,
- you may as well give up now,
- no point speaking up because no one will hear you or
- if they do you will only make things worse
- you feel defeated and miserable
and all you want to do is run away.
So, what is really going on here? Lots of things really that are contributing to your feelings of anger, so let’s have a look at the role anger plays in life.
- The role of anger in the body is to keep things moving.
- The role of anger in your life is to keep you growing, moving forward, progressing.
- Anger helps clear blocks and resistances to you following your heart or to help you move away from that which is not supportive of a life that is for your highest good.
What is going on is that you are
- resisting the resistance life is throwing at you. This may be from fear (which is very understandable for you do not know what is on the other side of this resistance and cannot see that it could be potentially better than what you are facing now)
- feeling guilty about things you could have done differently or could have known and did not
- feeling resentful for wasted time and energy
- angry at yourself for being in this situation, allowing it to happen or feeling powerless to change what you know needs changing
Anger gets so much bad press and is mostly thought of as destructive or negative as the way we so often experience or perceive anger is when it is has become distorted and is being expressed in unhealthy ways. People will implode or explode. When anger is not expressed in healthy ways it is toxic to the person who is doing the expressing as well as those they love and have contact with.
Anger has a powerful healthy role and when we understand it, we can drop the judgment and start to use it constructively to help us keep moving, instead of feeling stuck.
Anger, well understood and used appropriately develops generosity, compassion and benevolence. In every moment that you are challenged, there is an opportunity for you to ask yourselves “what is the bigger lesson here”?
When you can realise that nothing is personal, and everything can be used to help you grow and develop greater compassion and generosity for yourself and those around you, your life will change.
Anger misused creates
- “my way or the highway” attitude
Anger, misused results in powerlessness, and even though the angry person may appear to be very controlling, underneath they are feeling very powerless. Often, as a result of childhood experiences, they have never been shown how to respond to their feelings of anger, and they will be trying to take their power back by controlling others.
You can reclaim your power without destroying yourself or your relationships, losing control of yourself, your life or creating conflict in your relationships. In fact, once you learn to stand in your power again, you discover that you eliminate conflict, you feel so much more in control of yourself and your life and the feelings of resentment, bitterness, stuckness and loss fall away.
How can you start to change your experience of anger?
- Mind – thoughts words
- Body – actions reactions
- Life – what seems to be going on in the big picture – are things seeming to be against you, does there seem to be a lot of resistance, are others around you acting out, retreating, not wanting to mix with you or seem to be triggering you.
As you learn to observe your thoughts, words, actions and surroundings and step towards the place of not dwelling on life’s obstructions, using the stress in life in discerning what is “off-track” and what is “on-track” for your life (rather than going into distress) you are able to keep moving towards your goals.
I help women to understand what’s REALLY going on in their head, their relationship and with their kids that looks like conflict, confusion and communication breakdown so that they can feel confident, respected and appreciated. The solutions we source together are simple and free and easy to integrate into your everyday life.