Eradicating terrorism starts with me..
In recent weeks NZ has given many people a perspective that is not only heart-warming but hope-giving.
There are many in the world today that feed on fear and are desperate to generate fear in the lives of the population – all to keep us separate, to create conflict, to engender hatred and mistrust.
We, here in NZ have shown that there IS another way, even if it is after the event…it is up to us to build on this, personally, so that we can find a deeper connection, trust and enriched relationships, not just with others but with our self.
The more we come into love, acceptance, appreciation and respect for ourselves, our relationship with our-self changes and the more our external relationships change to become more connected, filled with appreciation, respect and acceptance.
You see the JCBS (judgment, criticism, blame + shame) terrorist exists and is very much alive in each one of us, although most of us are totally unaware of it.
We grew up with it all around us, and it is an undercover operator, lashing out with words or fists when it feels hurt, wronged, jealous, judged, blamed, shamed and criticised.
Maybe you had a mother who did not know how to love you as you deserved to be loved – encouraged, supported you as you dealt with losses and broken dreams praised, cuddled and nurtured you, made you feel special. A mother who took a genuine interest in you and your day, your feelings, your thoughts, your fears, your dreams and who had conversations with you, soothed you when the anger got too much, held you as you cried and nursed your hurts a real mother, a natural mother, that mother you wished you had.
Maybe you had a father who did not know how to love you as you deserved to be loved, encouraged, supported you as you dealt with losses and broken dreams praised, cuddled and nurtured you, made you feel special. A father who took a genuine interest in you and your day, your feelings, your thoughts, your fears, your dreams and who had conversations with you, soothed you when the anger got too much, held you as you cried and nursed your hurts a real father, a natural father that father you wished you had.
All these things contribute to the JCBS monster, along with the nasty school teacher, the nasty kids at school, the bully in the workplace, and anyone or anything that has made you feel you do not matter, that you are not good enough, that no matter what you did it was not good enough, told you that you were stupid, dumb, slow, hopeless, useless, a waste of space, made you feel you were a waste of time….and so forth.
As a result, we keep this monster alive daily by our thoughts, words and actions and it is time
• to bring it into the light
• expose it for what it is
• remove its voice
and the impact it has on ourselves, our self-esteem, our ability to love ourselves and others and to be a meaningful contributor to our relationships and society.
So just what am I talking about?
Judgment, Criticism, Blame and Shame are 4 things that are prevalent, not just within our society but within most individuals. Their existence in society is dependent on them remaining alive and healthy within individuals.
What does this look like?
We all have experienced the judgment, criticism, blame and shame of others as we grew up and possibly as adults, we are still experiencing it today, maybe it is the theme of our life, maybe just sporadic.
What is more dangerous and what is keeping JCBS alive in us and our society is our personal daily use–
• of put-downs of ourselves when we perceive we’ve made a mistake, said or done something wrong or not good enough
• the criticism we have for each and every thought, action and reaction we have
• by constantly reminding ourselves that we are separate and different to others, yet the truth is we are all equals – we are all human, we all have the same needs – no-one person is better than of otherwise than you or me
• the times we lie awake at night retelling the events of the day, our interactions with others, what we should have, could have, might have said and done instead of what we did and said
• the feelings we wallow around in, the pity parties we go to in our head
• the stories we keep telling (therefore keep alive of)
the school teacher who said or did unacceptable things
the kids at school, in the neighbourhood or online that was so cruel
the power-hungry, controlling person online, in the workplace, down the road or in the house
OR anyone or anything that has made you feel
you do not matter
that you are not good enough
that no matter what you did it was not good enough
I think you get my drift.
The JCBS monster creates FEAR in our mind and as a result of that, in every cell of our body and this fear keeps us in a state of stress.
This fear is being triggered subconsciously in us, especially when we hear another being judged, shamed, blamed or criticised and if you are a news watcher, listener you will be bombarded with this without your knowing it.
This fear keeps us contracted, miserable and closed to opportunities that are so readily available.
If we were all to make a conscious decision to become more aware of our thoughts, words and actions and how they make us feel inside we would soon be making a different choice, one that is of respect, acceptance, appreciation and inclusion.
You see this monster has numbed us to the fact that each and every moment we have a choice – we choose this or that, to here or there, to eat or not to eat, to love or not to love.
We can live our life making excuses or we can decide that we are done with the fear, contraction, stuckness, judgment, criticism, blame and shame of ourselves and others and choose another way.
A powerless person always has an excuse for why they cannot do or be something or someone. They fully believe it is a reason – I can’t do or be this because….! you only have to read some stories of other people and the things they have accomplished, people who have physical, mental or emotional limitations compared to many others, yet they have achieved things some of us only dream of and keep telling ourselves and others, “I can’t do that, or I can’t be like them” – it’s a choice.
Are you done with feeling powerless?
• Powerless to yourself and the thoughts you have that seem like a can of toxic worms in your head, that torment you, judge, criticise, blame and shame you 24/7.
• Powerless to the words and actions of others, causing you to feel judged, shamed, blamed and criticised.
• Powerless to the situations and circumstances you are experiencing in your life or have been experiencing.
Imagine what could your life look like if you could silence the JCBS monster?
You may not even know what these things look like or feel like, so just imagine for a moment.
You may even be like I was some years ago and could not even pretend, because the JCBS monster was so loud, nasty, vicious and would not even let me imagine that anything else was possible…that is where finding someone who can support you, who believes in you, who sees through the stories you tell yourself and can see the potential in you is so handy.
They can become your cheerleader, coach and mentor as you start our on the mission to silence the JCBS monster.
It can be really scary to start down this path for we have been so tortured and delegated to the shadows of life – the shadows of our own life that we have not been living at all, we have been existing and envious of the lives of so many others around us and now to start stepping out into the world again can be daunting.
From the depths of depression, bullying, abuse, despair and desolation it is possible – what we need to do is to
1. master the JCBS monster (which makes the next step so much easier
2. master your mind (for the JCBS monster has hijacked your mind)
3. shift our perspective as to what is possible
4. take action by making different choices that align with your true nature
and you too can live a life that is free from internal terrorism – a life that feels supported, where you feel heard and seen, where you experience enriched relationships and where you’ve got choice.
You will find peace, energy and a sense of freedom you never imagined possible when you stop allowing this monster to terrorise you and when you stop terrorising yourself with the JCBS monster.
Who am I?
I WAS a powerless woman.
I have conquered the inner terror maker.
I have lived with and through depression + supported clients and family when they have been there.
I have lived with and through bullying + abuse and a verbally and emotionally abusive marriage for 24 years and
as a result of my journey I now thrive, have transformed my relationship to and with myself, my life and wellbeing and as a BONUS transformed our marriage (YES, the same one I have been in for 27yrs) to one that I love to be in…
all without counselling, drugs or having to “face” the significant other in a confrontational way.
If you would like to learn more and are done with feeling powerless use the button below to access an appointment with me for a chat to see how I can help you.