We all have those little voices in our heads.


You know the ones – the ones that nag at you, tell you that you aren’t good enough, or not brave enough.


Yeah…those ones.


I want to share a little personal story with you, to give you some insights into what I’ve been going through, because maybe, just maybe, you’ll be able to relate.


I’ve been working hard to bring my work and message out into the wider community, and I’ve noticed the procrastination voice has been singing on overdrive recently. 




Avoidances, indecisiveness, inaction. When I get overwhelmed it’s so much easier to avoid taking action and making decisions, and putting that off for another day. 


I mean, each decision is important right, and I don’t want to make the wrong one. So why rush it right? 


But something I found interesting, and felt humbled by, when I talk with clients, and remind them about the procrastination voice, they tell me that “yeah Erena I already knew that…but I’m glad you reminded me of it”.


One of the reasons I’m so grateful to have the clients that I work with, is because they even remind ME of the things I need to be reminded of. This is a two-way street here.


They not only show me how far I’ve come, but also serve as constant reminders of how much discipline and work I still need. 




Last night at toastmasters we had a workshop, and we had some extra time to do a table topics session. Toastmasters for those who don’t know, is all about helping us to be better communicators. 


In my opinion, good communication is absolutely vital. Not only between us as people, but also internally communication with our own bodies. I can’t stress how important it is to have a healthy and balanced open line of communication, so our bodies can be healthy.


It’s not just our external relationships, but also our internal relationships.


At toastmasters during tabletopics, which is all about impromptu speaking, we had the question, if you had a button with 5 words, what would those 5 words be?


Love, Acceptance, Appreciation, Acknowledgement, and Celebration.


Why those words?


Through my journey, I have realised that my inner journey has been about unconditional love, to love and accept myself, and to realise that, I am not broken. And, that there is hope for me. 


For those of you, who are not aware, I was abused between the ages of 3 and 5, and 24 out of my 27 year marriage, was fraught with emotional and verbal abuse. Now through all the work I’ve done, I’m managed to transform it into an absolutely wonderful marriage, but it all started with accepting Unconditional Love. 


Now I’m just in the kindergarten stage of all this, but I continue to work on it.


And those 5 words on the buttons, are the constant reminders that I need, in bright neon, flashing lights. Accepting myself, exactly where I am, and how I am. Acknowledging my wins and my failures, and even my mistakes that I’ve made, and not beating myself up over them.


Appreciating myself and the people who I have in my life, and celebrating my day and the things that happen.


Pushing My Buttons


When I was speaking about this, it took me back to the early days in my journey, and that we all have buttons. We all wear buttons on our shirts, which shout in bright neon lights “PUSH ME PUSH ME”. 


You know when you say, “they really pushed my buttons”? Well this is what I’m talking about. 


There are people in our lives, that trigger us and activates us. We roar into life, often reactively and defensively. 


I used to have lots of them, that my kids would push, my hubby would push, and people in my community would push.


I realised though, after deep reflection, that I still have those buttons, they’re still there, but they’ve lost their charge. They just don’t have that effect over me anymore as they used to. 


If I can defuse these buttons, and take the charge away from myself, then this is something that I can help other people with. This is one of my passions: helping people to become less reactive. 


Here’s the thing, we can start to take notice of the things that activate us, and once we’re aware, then we can take action on it. 




Talking about signposts or roadmaps, I’ve written a chapter in a book that’s coming out next month, and it’s all about the journeys of 24 women, and their experience on birthing. And I’m talking about my experience of birthing a new a relationship in the ashes of our past relationship. 


It’s time to stop beating myself up, because I’ve done that for far too long. 


If you have any questions, please reach out and ask, and who knows, your question might be extremely valuable to someone else as well. 


Sometimes I will upset and offend people, that’s just part of being human and I can’t control exactly how people react to me, but


I know that as long as I’m always coming from a heart centred place, that I’ve done my part.


This is your chance now, to change your life and your world will change. There IS another way.

Go well,

Erena Oliver

Relationship Coach
Founder: The Love Vortex
Marlborough NZ