Ladies this a message for you. I want to share this as a message for us women. And for the men here, to help you to understand what is happening with the lady in your life, or perhaps the ladies in your life if you’re privileged enough to have daughters, sisters or female friends. 

Ladies, we’ve been hijacked.

Basically from conception, and at various stages in our lives, it become more obvious. Every month the cycle continues.

You Know Yourself.

You know that sometimes someone can say something to you, and it just rolls off you, like water off a ducks back.

However, a couple days later, they could say the exact same thing, with the exact same tone, and you fire up. You go from calm to nuclear in 0.1 seconds. 

Now if this person said the same thing one day and you were fine, then you say it again and you fire up, they’re saying “wha…t..?”.

Hormone Cycle

What I’m talking about here is our hormonal cycle. It basically runs the ship, even when we’re aware of it, it can still catch us out, tip us upside down, turn us inside out and cause a whole heap of havoc in our relationships. 

If we’re not sharp, if we’re not on top of our game, then there can be some damage done. We retreat, we go into defensive mode. People around us go into defensive mode, people get reactive. We lose peace in our relationships and end up with a lot of misunderstandings. 

If you’re fortunate enough, and have an understanding partner, we can go back to calm pretty quickly. 

However, if you haven’t got an understanding partner, at this point, because they can change, and you’re not on your game, and realising that’s what actually going on, and it’s not you, but rather your hormones, it can take some time to repair the damage. 

So let’s take some time to get familiar with our cycles. You probably know it anyway, but start becoming aware of the subtleties that are going on. Keep a mood tracker. Keep a reaction tracker. And record down everyday a couple months. 

Look for Patterns

Start looking for patterns. And once you see patterns emerging, then you can actually start futurising that. You can say “okay, this week is potentially the week I get hijacked, and to keep myself safe, and to keep happy as much as possible, and my relationship with my partner, how can I diffuse potential situations. What can I do that I’m not going to be going into defense mode? Is there a code word that we can use? Either a word that I can use to let them I’m know I’m aware of it, or that they can use that helps you to realise that you’ve overstepped, that you’ve just said or done something that you wouldn’t normally do when you’re not hijacked, but that they get it, and they’ve got your back”.

On Top of your Game

They’re just a couple things you can do to keep yourself self, and keep yourself on a more even keel. 

We get hijacked, it’s no fault of our own. But we’ve got the tools, and we’ve got the power to make sure this doesn’t cause chaos in our lives.

Thank you, and I’ll catch you on the other side.

Erena Oliver

Relationship Coach

The Love Vortex

Marlborough NZ