Toxic Relationships: Self-Worth

I’ve had a number of people reach out to me recently, whether it’s for their children, for bullying and abuse, about arguing, about how to get their partner to treat them better, or from a man, asking how he can be a better partner, a better father, how he can help his kids better. Also for physical health, whether its pain, cancer, stress, anxiety.  


Everyone who phones up, agrees with what’s being said. They can see the value in it, they can see the sense in it, and they can feel better just having a conversation with me. Which is awesome, because that’s the way I’d love to be as a coach and practitioner.


Avoiding Action

However, probably around 99% of people who phone up, don’t take it any further. The biggest reason? It costs too much.


Now I’m probably one of the cheapest in the market, and I’m constantly being told, that one of the reasons why more people aren’t coming to me, is because I’m not properly expressing my value in the chargest that I charge. 


Some of my colleagues, charge $300, $400, or even $500 per hour, and I believe it’s awesome for them. They have people lining up to work with them, I know some of them have a waiting list. 


So what is it? What I’m realising, is that it has to do with how we value ourselves.


Value Yourself

We have the saying “your health is your wealth”. This is so true. Healthier we feel, whether it’s, physical, emotional, mental, and our relationships, whether they be intimate partner, friends, work relationships. The healthier they are, the more rich we feel, and the more we value ourselves and others. 


So, the question is, and it’s a question I’ve been asked, and I have to ask myself this often too:


“How invested am I in myself?” and “how invested am I in resucing my relationships, am I prepared to do what it takes?”.


Now I’ve contacted different people to work with, and yes see there’s value in it, but at 2, 3, 4…6 thousand dollars… I just didn’t have that kind of money. “Oh I’ll just put it on my new credit card!”, and I know a lot of people do that when they really want something. 


Going All In

But, if you’re not completely invested, and you spend that kind of money on the new credit card, you’ll end up feeling guilty about that money that you’ve spent. And this comes back again to our self worth. 


The reason I’m sharing this, is because I know this. It’s something I’ve and experienced myself.


But there’s so many little things we can do, and they don’t have to cost an arm and a leg.


But I Understand

And the reason I keep my prices generally lower, is because I appreciate the struggle that most people are going through. But here’s the thing, is that if you’re not invested in yourself, and you’re not invested in really making things better, then what is that really telling you about yourself?


Another reason that keep my prices lower is so I can offer longer term programs. Yes, if you come for one session, you’ll see results, but you won’t see the longer term improvements. 


Some issues get routed deep, deep down within us, and these take time to work through and process, to clear what was causing the conflict and dysfunciton.


Couples Guidance: Ready For The Long Term

One session is a great start, but it’s not a long term solution. So I offer packages. One of my favourites, is a 6 session package. This gives us much more time, to get into the details of what’s really going on. 


After 6 hours with me, you’ll be way more equiped, with all the tools and strategies I’ve given you. And now that you’re equipped, you can go off on your own and do your own work. Now you may want to come back, and buy a 3 session package as a little booster to the work you’ve already done.


Now so much of investing in yourself, starts as a self-worth question. We don’t value ourselves, or we believe there are things more important than investing in ourselves. 


And I know this, from personal experience. I was in a relationship that was so bad, that it was either ship-up or ship-out. So I know the desperation of having to decide whether I matter enough to be worth investing in. 


Making It Easy(er)

So I know I’m not charging anywhere near what others are charging, and I offer payment plan opportunities so you can pay off the sessions over time. But, firstly you need to start valuing yourself, and unless you value yourself, no one else will value you. 


This brings me back, to the fact that the relationship you have with yourself, is the most important, and that your relationships with others are simply a reflection of your relationship with yourself.


There’s a part of me, that wishes I could just give all this away for free and work from love, but I also know that for others to value me, and the value that I can bring to them, that I have to charge, so people can feel how important it is. The truth is I can’t help you with couples guidance, if I don’t value myself first.


Until next time,


Integrative Relationship and Wellbeing Coach

The Love Vortex Adventures

Marlborough NZ