“Feel the pain, embrace it, live it and when you’re ready, know that it’s okay to let go of it for the healing process can’t be complete until you learn to let go. Let go in order to be happy once again.”

Letting go of grief is no easy task. Grief is something you might be holding tight to—a reminder of your loved one or a connection to their memory. Loosening your grip and ultimately surrendering your grief can seem like a scary and daunting task but it’s a necessary process you must go through to once again be whole.

Why is it so difficult to process grief as opposed to other emotions?

Grief is ALWAYS the most difficult, because it always comes with a loss. It is a depth of pain that cannot be measured by time and cannot be forced to end before it is ready. It cannot and should not be ignored, because it affects more than just our emotions.

Grief requires us to confront ourselves. It requires us to feel, to surrender, to let go, and to move forward. It begs us to take its hand and allow us to be led down the path of sorrow, a path that few choose to go.

It brings with it a feeling of helplessness and powerlessness that are the two most challenging for the human soul to endure. The inability to control or change the outcome of a tragic circumstance can make us feel, “undone”, almost as if we’re being swallowed whole.

However, if we allow ourselves or rather give ourselves the gift of allowing ourselves to move through the stages of grief to a place of closure, we find that our soul has gone through a metamorphosis that leads us to peace and serenity. We find a depth of compassion and understanding for others that we never knew. There is a richness of character we never had and an ability to love we never thought we’d be capable of. We find ourselves, more patient, kind and forgiving. And, the most curious lesson of all, is that we wish that no-one else would have to endure the same.

How to Deal With Grief

There is life after grief. Once you have moved through your grief, taking your time to allow natural feelings to flow and time to care for yourself, you might wake one day and find yourself ready for a fresh start.

Just as Spring follows Winter, a new season is in bloom in your life—a season without daily pain and emotions of grief. You have changed and grown as a result of your loss and season of grief and it’s time to embrace the new you and step back out into the world.

Take your time to mourn

It always takes a while for me to accept that loved ones are gone. It’s been less than two weeks since my aunt’s passing, and it hasn’t fully set in. I now know this is perfectly OK.

Grief has a variety of variables including age, duration of the relationship, and the type of death (traumatic, natural, sudden, etc.) that play into how one processes death. In other words, we all face different circumstances with loss, so it makes sense that we take different amounts of time.

Eliminate some stress by not setting a time expectation for “acceptance.” Death is scary because it’s surrounded by mystery. It’s helpful not to put a time limit when you find yourself dealing with a loss.

Change Your Way of Thinking

It’s time to change any negative self-talk to words of affirmation. Change “I can’t do that…” to “I can do anything!”, and “That won’t happen…” to “I can see this happening!”. Having a positive can-do attitude will sustain you on this new path.

Do Something New

You are a new person so it’s only fitting you to do something new. Learn a new skill, travel to new places, do something you never thought you would do. Even if you think you don’t like something or think of something as too scary, just try it! You might discover that you actually like it after all or that taking risks can actually be fun.

Take responsibility for your own life. It’s time to realise that you are no longer responsible for your loved one. You must give up any excuses for not moving forward in life and take 100% responsibility for yourself.

To letting go,

Erena Oliver

P.S. I will be running a 3-day workshop starting on the 23rd of June, where we will dive deep into the emotion of grief and learn how to use it to our advantage, how it impacts our physical health, and how we can be more open to receiving the juiciness that life offers us and how to express it more healthily.  The understandings I will be sharing will also incorporate knowledge from Acupuncture Theory/Chinese Medicine principles of the interconnectedness of our mind/body. Get your ticket and download your free gift HERE.