Every day is the same – shop, cook, dishes, laundry. Sweep, wipe, scrub, pick up. All the papers, all the arguments, all the scheduling, all the homework. Do you ever feel like the monotony will swallow you whole? Do you ever feel reduced to servitude – pointless, unseen, neverending? Do you get bombarded with the voices?

Most of your time is spent doing thankless work that will be undone hours – if not minutes – later. Maybe the days are just pointless.

You feel stuck. Like you have no choice.

You feel invisible. You are not getting paid for this.

Why must everyone make so many messes?

Why don’t they consider your time and effort?

Sometimes it feels like…

You’re a slave in your own home…

You might have been working on displacing these hopeless voices with positive ones that treat you much better. In the process, you will find a few ways to deal with. I thought I’d share four strategies with you today.

“Every day brings a choice: to practice stress or to practice peace.” 

~Joan Borysenko

1. Notice and stop your thoughts.

The first step is to notice and stop your negative thoughts or “self-talk.” Self-talk is what you think and believe about yourself and your experiences. It’s like a running commentary in your head. Your self-talk may be rational and helpful. Or it may be negative and not helpful.

2. Start focusing on the grey area between life’s extremes.

Life simply isn’t black or white—100% of this or 100% of that—all or nothing.  Thinking in extremes like this is a fast way to misery because it basically views any situation that’s less than perfect as being extremely bad.

3. Identify the underlying triggers to your negative thinking.

To change your thinking, it helps to have a crystal-clear understanding of what you’re thinking in the first place. When a troubling (negative) thought arises in your mind, instead of ignoring it, pay closer attention, and then record it.  For example, if you’re sitting at your desk and you catch yourself ruminating about something negative, pause and write it down immediately.  Get that raw thought out of your head and down on paper—just a short sentence or two that honestly depicts the specific thought that’s presently troubling you.

At the very least, this process of evaluating your negative thoughts and their underlying triggers helps bring a healthy, objective awareness to the sources of your negativity or anxiety, which ultimately allows you to shift your mindset and take the next positive step forward.

4. Love yourself by building self-confidence.

By this, I do not mean you need to love yourself more than others, or even that you need to love yourself first. I’m talking about the kind of love you have for the things that make you who you are.

Final Thoughts

Accept your role in the dynamic and be willing to change it. So much in life is beyond our control. Choosing how to respond to a perceived lack of appreciation is not one of those things though. If you feel unappreciated, make your first step evaluating whether you’re reading too much into someone else’s lack of gratitude. We’ve all forgotten to say “thank you” at times, with no malice intended.

Sometimes you can’t do it on your own, and that’s okay. If you want to take control, you need to first admit that you have lost control. These times may call for the help of someone who is trained to offer it, who holds an unbiased view of your situation, who does not have an agenda to push (save your own wellbeing), or who will help you see hard truths where they need to be seen.

Overwhelmed, overworked, overtired…just over it?

Come on an adventure with me for 6 weeks and experience a deeper connection to who you really are, a more settled quiet mind beneficial changes in your physical and emotional wellbeing and more meaningful cooperation in your relationships, as naturally as possible


Let’s talk.

Erena Oliver