We get taught everything in life, from how to walk to how to read and write, but no one ever teaches us the skills to be a great partner or how to choose and recognize a great partnership. 

Each of us has our unique criteria for our dream partner. We all long for a relationship with a person who can make us happy in a thriving relationship. But how do we do it?

What made having a dream partner a dream in the first place? Before we look at the dream, let us take a peek of the reality first. 

According to Stats NZ, “the general marriage rate in 2018 was 10.8 per 1,000 people aged 16 years and over who are not married or in a civil union. This is around one-quarter of the 1971 peak when the rate was 45.5.”

The data showed a decrease in the number of marriages per year. We can infer that couples find it hard to commit because of several causes. One of these is the uncertainty if they are with their dream partner. We can also include the difficulty to find a couple for those who still don’t have a partner yet.

My Perspective about Finding the Right Partner

I am happy to say that I already have my dream partner; we have a healthy and thriving relationship today. However, my partner and I also experienced rough times. Because of traumatic events with the person I am with until today, our relationship could have ended years ago. But it didn’t; so, how did we do it? 

We did what most people aren’t willing to do; it is the inner work necessary to enable us to be the dream partner for the person we long for. Yes, we don’t need to look for a good partner to fulfil this dream. We need to become the person who our partner is dreaming of. This internal work that I did is being with myself, looking deep within, and healing my emotional traumas. I had to honour my truth and uphold my boundaries.

I realized that without this inner work, we get stuck in patterns of self-sabotage, emotional unavailability, running away from love, self-abandonment, and disempowerment when it comes to our relationships.

So, How Do You Become the Person Your Dream Partner Is Waiting For?

So many of us want to attract the perfect life partner and have an amazing, passionate, life-long relationship that we’ve always dreamed of. The problem is, most of us aren’t equipped with the right information, tools, resources, knowledge, or skills in order to actually live this dream. The truth is, we can have our dream partner without even searching. Even if we already have a partner, we can do it without finding a new person. 

  1. Quit your search. The best approach is to open your life and allow the partner of your dreams to enter. Imagine the journey of looking for a specific person. Let’s not mention how creepy it is. 
  2. Focus on healing yourself. Do the inner work; you cannot control other people anyway. Now you are no longer focused on finding another, transfer this energy into working on yourself. Occupying yourself with personal improvement will have huge benefits. When the inner work is complete, You will be the best possible version of yourself for when you do meet someone special.
  3. Avoid being a puzzle piece to the other person. Remember, you are doing the inner work to be the dream partner. If either person needs the other to bring happiness, balance, or peace to their life, it is often a recipe for disaster, far from the dreamboat ride you hoped for!
  4. Socialize. Sounds difficult? It actually means doing something that interests you and showing your craft to the world. You’re bound to meet lots of new interesting people, possibly even cross paths with someone special.
  5. Trust your guts. You are not setting a trap for the right person to come. You need to trust your intuition to tell you when to act. What should you do? It may be as simple as exchanging smiles with a beautiful stranger. Even just walking over to casually introduce yourself could reveal the amazing discovery you were always longing for!

You don’t need to be alone to do all of these. If you’re with your partner, there’s no point in searching for another person. You may need your partner’s help removing what troubles you. You and your partner can relive what made you find each other; of course, you already know what can make both of you stay and improve.