All of our experiences are unique from each other. However, we cannot deny that there are people who cannot appreciate their past. You might be running from it because it brings pain, especially if you have a traumatic experience.

But we cannot detach from our past. It made us who we are today. So if you are noticing a cycle of healing and pain, I hate to break it to you, but it means that you did not learn from your past.

Let us discuss how to use your past to break this cycle and make a brand new you.

Reflection 

You may have problems asking why is everything happening today. Try reflecting on your actions and you may learn something that you can use. The process of reflection means looking back on what happened yesterday.

The purpose of reflection is to help you anticipate the problems tomorrow. So if you met new people yesterday, you could prepare today, so you’ll know what you do when you meet them tomorrow.

Studying 

We are not studying the past because there is a test in the future. If you fail a test, you are more likely to pass when you retake it. But the process of studying is the same. You are picking tools and learnings from what happened yesterday, so you have to use something today.

A single moment today may turn your tomorrow into a different life. An excellent way to study the past is to arrange the lessons chronologically. So if you and your partner have ongoing disagreements, you can trace back how to solve them.

Replaying 

Replaying is more complicated compared to reflection. It involves trying to reenact what happened in the past. The purpose is to find your perspective and knowledge. So you may need to please yourself in the situation of other people.

Viewing from the eyes of other people may help you understand their feelings. Replaying will help you create better responses to the same painful moment.

Generalizing 

Everything that happens in the past is unique. But the pattern is the same, so it doesn’t change the value of looking back. Studying these patterns will help us look into the big picture. By doing so, we can make a strategy if we want to keep or change something.

As an example, we are trying to build good relationships. We will need to familiarise ourselves with the pattern of building rapport. Also, if you notice destructive habits, learning the triggers will help us break these things that drag us down.

Releasing

Running from your past is different from releasing your feelings. We all have regrets and guilts, which may be still torturing us until today. We might be thinking that if we have done differently will not be the same as today.

But it already happened. No matter how we desperately wish to change it, there’s nothing we can do to change the outcome. What matters is what we can control today. So if we need to forgive ourselves or other people, it is the proper way of releasing from our past. 

Using Our Learnings

The emotional and intellectual values we picked up from the past are all valid today. The events, feelings, and the results are all treasures inside our memories. All we have to do now is to use those treasures for our benefits. Let us accept the power of our past to push us to the future that we want.

Erena Oliver | Relationship Coach