20 Tips + Insiders Insights
The quality of your relationships reflects your relationship with yourself – heal or balance that relationship and all other relationships will be more harmonious, co-creative and enriched
1. If you do not change nothing will.
2. You cannot heal a situation with the same thoughts, attitudes and tools that created it. Compassion, Acceptance, Appreciation and Respect are healing tools, key to healthy enriched and co-creative relationships. (They were vital to my healing and the healing of my relationship.)
3. Judgement, criticism, blame and lies destroy relationships, undermine trust, self-worth and self-respect – notice where you hold judgement, where you criticise or blame or do not tell the truth, notice the tone of your voice and what you say and ask yourself if you would like to be spoken to like that or not told the truth. IF you are, then as you change yourself, your tone and words you will make a difference and you will receive less judgment, criticism and blame and will have more honesty.
4. The person you love is NOT you – they do not think like you, behave like you, have your experiences, parents, family etc AND they cannot read your mind – just as you are not like them and cannot read their mind. Respect the differences, don’t assume you know what they need, want or think, and do not expect them to know what you need, think or want.
5. Respect your differences of opinion and ideas – just as you do your family, friends and colleagues. You may notice that when things are more challenging in your relationships this is less easy to do.
6. Learn to know and respect the differences in men and women and make sure your needs are met and you meet the others needs as much as possible.
7. Respect that each of you needs time out to do what nourishes you, inspires you and relaxes you. Your relationship will be richer for it and it is healthy to have interests outside your relationship.
8. If you see the other person as the enemy, you will have a fight on your hands – If you see the other person as your champion, you will have a partner.
9. Self-pity, self-importance, pettiness and criticism weaken us by draining our energy and our relationships – acceptance, honesty and appreciation strengthen us and our relationships.
10. Focusing on our weakness and the hurts of life weakens us – focus on what you want to FEEL
11. No-one is perfect – we all make mis-takes. Apologise for your mistakes, mis-interpretations, faults and weaknesses and accept their apologies.
12. IF you have a relationship with someone who has never been taught to do this, your example will show them, especially if done without judgment, blame or criticism.
13. Forgive and ask for forgiveness. Everybody makes mistakes. Be willing to apologize for yours — and accept your partner’s apologies.
14. Let them know how much you admire them, their skills and knowledge. You love compliments too. Be supportive each other. When your partner does something great, tell them! If they do not do the same for you, you can tell them how much it means to you to know they think you’ve done great.
15. It is possible to feel again after being numbed by life and experiences. It takes trust and courage and is so much easier when you have someone to support you, someone that understands, someone that has been there, or near there – find someone who can listen, support and empower you, to help you focus on what you want rather than what you are experiencing or have experienced.
16. You can only have a relationship at the level you love yourself – learn to truly and deeply love, accept, appreciate you and you will find that others will to AND you will find it easier to love, accept, appreciate and respect others.
17. The most powerful force you have in your life is that you can direct your thoughts – are your thoughts focused on connected, happy, harmonious relationships and their potential OR are they focused on what you see as wrong; the conflict, the separation you feel?
18. Communication is key –
- Respect yourself enough to share how you feel (with I statements rather than “you” statements.
- You want them to listen to you with respect and understanding, so you need to listen to them.
- You want them to ask you how things are for you – learn to ask them how things are for how things are for them – listen without judgment, blame or criticism.
- Don’t play guessing games – If you’re upset, say so — don’t make your partner try to figure out what’s up, or try to figure what’s up for them.
- Talking through challenges builds trust and enriches your relationship and makes it stronger.
19. NOTHING is personal – everything is to some extent a mirror and there are learnings everywhere
20. How others treat you reflects how you treat yourself. If you are consistently being treated disrespectfully then you may need to look at the respect you have for yourself – change that and how others respect you will change